I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
