glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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