I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
