Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
