You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize