Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
