It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
