I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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