P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
