How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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