I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
