I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
