Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
