did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
