You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
