Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
