Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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