You're my little dorito
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
