I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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