i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
