We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
