they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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