And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
