walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
