I wish my penis had an off switch
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
