but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
