i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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