i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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