Fuck appropriateness.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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