I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
