i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
