so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
