I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
