A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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