Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
