I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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