Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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