She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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