Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
