we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost the right to judge tonight
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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