I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
and you fell through a lawn chair
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
