i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
