I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
