So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
