Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
