I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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