you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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