So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
