Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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