Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
