we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
