The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
